I am such a sap. Every song I hear today is making me emotional. Well…not every song. Just most of them. While I labor at work over various things that do not interest me in the least, I listen to music…my music. I prefer to have control over what I hear because the stuff they play on the radio usually bores or offends me. I’m not morally offended by the music…it’s more of an aesthetic offense. That’s not to say that I am some sort of elitist, unable to enjoy the music of the common man, whatever that is. I like a lot of music that would get me kicked out of most “cool” conversations. That probably leaves me somewhere in the middle with most everyone else.
Back to me crying. I see that I never actually said I was crying, so I should probably clarify. I haven’t cried today listening to music. I have gotten a little misty eyed a few times. The first time it happened, I figured I just really needed to hear that particular song at that particular point in time – that happens every now and then to me. But then, the very next song got me even more worked up, and it was not one of the usual suspects. It was a random song that I like, but have never responded to in an emotional way – at least not like I did today.
So what does all of that mean? I have no idea. Perhaps I am just really tired and everything is going to hit me harder today than usual. Perhaps I am more attuned to the emotional truth of each song and that is causing me to have a stronger reaction. Perhaps I should try to spiritualize this as much as possible and find out what it is about those songs that is causing me to act like a teenage girl watching a Twilight movie. That won’t work though, because two songs were instrumentals, so I can’t get anything lyrically from them to point me in the right direction.
More than likely, this is all pretty easy to figure out. I am a sap. I cry at movies and TV shows that don’t even cause my wife to blink. I cried the other night watching an episode of the TV show Jericho. I remember watching Bridge to Terabithia with my boys a few years ago and I was a mess at the end. I was so worked up by the film, that it sort of embarrassed me. I didn’t want my boys to see me crying over a kid’s film. So yes, I am a sap and I cry. Maybe it’s just that simple. I’m not sure though.
I don’t typically get very emotionally connected to what I listen to while I am work because I am not able to give myself over to the music like I can at home. I get distracted by work and stuff. Today seemed like a normal day – I felt sufficiently distracted by work, but that didn’t seem to matter to the music or to my heart. (I’m sorry about that last sentence and the way I ended it. There is sappy and then there is SAPPY – and that was about as SAPPY as I can imagine. I swear it won’t happen again.) On a normal day, one song might get me. Maybe two if I am really feeling it. Today, I stopped counting at five.
By now, you are probably asking yourself, “Why did he write this? And more importantly, why did he decide to share this?” Two very good questions and I don’t have very good answers for them. Perhaps I just want people to get to know me a little better. (Even I am rolling my eyes about that one. That’s not it.) Perhaps I feel guilty about not posting anything on here for such a long time. (I am confident there is a lot of truth in that.) I’ve told my wife that I don’t typically plan what I am going to write…I just start writing when an idea pops in my head. That’s what happened this time. I noticed I was responding more intensely to music today and I felt I could write about it. Perhaps it’s as simple as that…
I’ll add this final thought in conclusion: I think I am responding to these songs today, because sometimes I need to feel things deeply. Most days I just coast through life. Not in a bad way. I’m not disengaged or anything. I think most people have very ordinary days most of the time. You don’t get emotionally worked up most days. At least I don’t, even though I am more apt to do that than many other men I know. I think on days like today, I am being gently prodded to keep my heart open and a bit broken. Not just for my own good either. I think it’s on days like these that if I allow these songs to do what they are capable of doing, I become more in tune with things of a spiritual nature. Maybe my emotional spells today will allow me to be more empathetic with a friend or coworker, simply because my heart has already been laid bare. Perhaps a day like today is God’s way of telling me to stop being so careful with my feelings.
Or maybe I’m just a sap.
(In case anyone was wondering, here are the songs that turned me into a little girl today: U2 – With or Without You / Needtobreathe – White Fences and Keep Your Eyes Open / Future of Forestry – Would You Come Home / Patrick Doyle (Thor Soundtrack) – Prologue / The Gaslight Anthem – Mae. There were more, but I think I think you get the point.)