I don’t usually spend much time thinking about fashion or current styles. In fact, I spend virtually no time thinking about such things. The topic just doesn’t interest me. Still, there are a few fashion choices that bother me. Skinny jeans on men come to mind. Whoever invented this emasculating pant option is evil. Pure evil. But that’s not my rant. No, there is something else on the fashion scale that bothers me even more. It’s a concept so disgusting, so dehumanizing, so debased that I feel compelled to expose it for what it is. You might be asking yourself, “What could be worse than skinny jeans?” The answer is simple. Two seemingly innocent words that form an unholy union of staggering proportions:
SWEAT PANTS. Yeah…I said it. For years, decades even, sweatpants have gone unchallenged and unchecked. They have avoided criticism due to their very nature. (I will allow that sweatpants in the privacy of your home are acceptable, barely. Public displays of sweatpants are never acceptable. I am also including stretch pants for the purposes of this rant. ) Sweatpant apologists would point out how comfortable they are. Erroneous thinking. Scratching my crotch is comfortable but that doesn’t mean I should be doing it in public. Those same apologists argue that sometimes it is just easier to slip into a pair of sweatpants instead of taking the time to select and iron a nice pair of dress slacks or khakis. It is not easier. It might save you a few seconds in the morning, but it will cost you a piece of your soul. It’s true. Wearing sweatpants in public says a few things about the wearer. First, it says that you have completely given up. If you are willing to be seen in public wearing sweatpants then you have lost all self respect. Second, sweatpants are just not flattering, especially for men. To put this as delicately as I can, when a man wears sweatpants everyone can see their junk. And believe me when I say this: No one wants that except for perverts. Finally, it says that you are a selfish, self centered person that only cares about your own comfort and feelings. Everyone around you on your sweat pants days suffers. Everyone you come in contact when you don the sweat pants is permanently damaged. So, not only have you destroyed part of your eternal soul, you have inflicted lifelong pain on everyone around you. Shame on you. Repent and make things right by swearing off sweat pants forever. We will all of us be better off for your decision.