It’s a very simple process. If you are at the front of the line, or even by yourself – it works in all situations – and the light is red then you stop and wait for the light to turn green. The next step is the tricky one so please pay close attention: When the light turns green take your foot off the brake pedal and slowly push the gas pedal. Your vehicle will begin to move forward. Continue accelerating until you have reached the legal speed limit. Now I know, that is very confusing. I understand that most people think that as soon as the light turns green you are supposed to play with your radio dial, rummage around the back seat for a pen, read the newspaper or a book, fall asleep, or just sit there with a blank stare. While all the options seem reasonable, and they have become accepted by many drivers, let me disabuse you from them as gently as I can: Those are things morons do. Are you a moron? No. You are not a moron. You are an intelligent, productive member of society. You are capable of simple addition and subtraction. You can communicate with others. You are a smart person. The complete opposite of a moron. So you know what needs to be done when the light turns green. You drive. You move. You…just….do something!
Ok? Ok. One final note. If you are at the front of the line and you hear someone honk at you – it’s probably me. And if another driver does honk at you and you finally realize that you have been sitting there at a green light for an eternity, then don’t try to take off at the speed of light as if that is going to make up for what you already did. It doesn’t. In fact, it makes me dislike you even more. Which is saying a lot, because I already really dislike you….a lot.